It’s happened again!

A couple or so weeks ago someone came in to look at some microfilm fiches of old planning permissions. No-one I knew. A little later I was walking past where she was and I suddenly realised that I did know her, and she was in the same year as my friend Sarah when they were in school. I did remember her. Sort of. I remembered who she was friends with. And I remembered, somewhat hazily [well it was a while ago] that she suddenly was’nt at the various parties and pub gatherings wher you’d find me and her friends. Not that I really knew her at all really. I’m not sure if I ever spoke to her even. I was a callow youth in those days, so she just dissolved away into the mists of my mind. Anyway, I was doing other things, getting involved with other people, surfing a lot, finding my place in society. Working hard at being a total surf-bum and ne’er do well.

Anyway back to the point……..

So I said hello, and after she was done with her search we got to talking [I even tried to get her to take that rayburn away!!!]. Anyways she said she ‘might’ just be interested and she’d call me if she was. [the rayburn! Nothing else]

A couple of weeks went by and no word and of course in the meantime the rayburn problem had sorted itself out [check the mega clearout thread]. I didn’t think anything more about it at the time, but I did mention it to Sarah, who remembered her from school although she said that she’d heard nothing for years, apart from the odd snippet via acquaintances. Anyways I bought her up to date from what Sian had told me and, Sarah, as I left asked if I was going to be in contact with her again? My response was a shrugged ‘I dunno’ . I had given her my card and my home number but had’nt the temerity to ask her for her’s [doh!]. No. It just had’nt occurred to me to ask for her number………

……..Jeez how totally oblivious to opportunities had I become? Easy question to answer. Unless she had a large neon sign above her head saying ‘shag me now’ I was unconscious of any interest from the other person. Sad eh? Or even worse, someone might be friendly towards me [because people can be, even in this day and age] and I totally misread it as being ‘a little bit more than interested’. Yep you guessed.. I’ve become one of that band of inept geeks, acne ridden youth, model train collectors and sad middle aged men with no dress sense and an unhealthy interest in silicon enhanced ‘models’……- a social inadequate ……………….

But I digress.


Sarah’s response: ‘Oh, you’d like her. She’s interesting’

Sooo…… anyways it’s a couple of weeks later and I came home from doing the garage clearing thing, and checked my phone [1471] cos I’d forgotten to put the ansafone on….. I was selling the pinkfish and the guy was due soon to fetch it, and he might have called whilst I was out. The number that came up was’nt what I expected ………in fact it was’nt a number I recognised at all…. so I dialled it out of curiosity more than anything, I had’nt a clue as to who’d be on the other end. Lo and behold it was Sian, who had just phoned to say hello, but of course I thought it was about the stove which was now somewhere else. Turned out she was’nt so much interested in the stove, but me. A fact I missed, due my total inability to see the obvious.
But with my lightning fast reflexes and quick thinking I phoned her back about 30 minutes later to see if she fancied heading up to the Vic for a pint. She did. And for once I also had the wits to write down her number so that I could contact her again……just in case we hit it off. [yeah right]

Fast forward a few hours…..Well we arrived at the Vic and it was busy. Very busy. Before long it could have been described as ‘heaving’…….. yep, it was band night, a fact that should have registered a bit earlier due to the mound of guitars and ‘band gear’ in the corner. Since I was driving I was rationed to a single pint for the evening. We decided that a retreat to Sian’s for coffee would be the best and so with raised eyebrows and an enquiring look from my god-daughter Chloe [who ran the Vic] we departed.

Now all of the above had taken place through the medium of Welsh, a language I speak pretty well, up to a point. Work and dealing with the public is one thing, putting over my thoughts, desires and opinions is another entirely. If I’m all tongue-tied and somewhat monosylabic in English when I’m trying to communicate with someone I like, then just imagine what it’s like in another language. It’s my natural shyness. Now I know there will be those who might just read this and think ‘what a load of bollocks’ but it’s true. I find it quite difficult to get to know people. I do get tongue-tied and reticent, unless I’m getting enough feedback from the other person. If I’m not I put it down to disinterest by them and then – horror of horrors -I overcompensate and go into babble mode. When that glazed look comes upon them I know all is lost and I might as well get me coat.

But once the ice has been broken and conversation flows freely then I get comfortable and things progress apace. But this just kicks in problem no.2 – the ‘I like you but I’d rather we were just friends’ bombshell………. You know, the bit where you had been thinking that maybe this might head into more-than-friends territory and then you realise that you will forever be lusting after this person only to have to stand on the sidelines whilst others get the glory, but you will always be there to pick up the shattered pieces of her life after the dog that he is buggers off with her best mate [who you also failed with]….. [!!!!]

But I was’nt getting this from Sian. For a start I had’nt had any great expectations of a fine romance [well she did say she phoned me because she was bored]. So as a result we talked freely about ourselves, in an almost abstract way and got on really well, like we were old friends that had found one-another again after many years………then I went home, with Sian saying she might pop round sometime the following day.

I was kinda hopeful I suppose and as Sian’s life revolved around working for a fortnight and then having a fortnight off, any future relationship [nooo! not the R word! Not yet. Too early, too conformist, too sad] would probably suit me. Take it easy, take it slow. Keep it uncomplicated and free from demands and compromises. I had a life that I was pretty OK with… just check out my musings on the subject elsewhere in this Blog.[click on February 2005 - going solo] Yes, it would be good to enrich it with someone else, but I’d seen too many abject failures - some of them mine, for me to want to do the whole ‘R’ thing. And I never take rejection very well. Not that I get mad or violent or anything dramatic like that, I just withdraw into my shell and wonder what it was that I had done, or not done, to deserve being discarded yet again [sniff]

Best scenario – for the time being anyway…. We enjoy ourselves whilst we are together, be honest with one another, lead our separate lives otherwise and if and when it runs out of steam, then we revert to being friends or strangers.

Sian will probably read this now and have a fit…………………. :)